"There are only two lasting bequests we can give our children... one is roots, the other wings."
- Stephen Covey
Shakti Gawain suggests that the best things we can do for our children is to develop and get to know ourselves and our true nature (ego, fear, habits, beliefs, attitudes etc.).
Be the change you want to see.
Set an example for your kids. Children learn by example and imitation.
Also Shakti suggests unresolved issues, vices, fears etc. get passed on to the next generation - so deal with as many as you can so your kids can have an easier ride (hopefully!).
Dr Joshua David Stone suggests we should be 'Firm but Loving'
PARENTING / RELATIONSHIPS
by Jim Rohn
One person caring about another represents life's greatest value.
Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort, and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing.
The greatest gift you can give to somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, "If you will take care of me, I will take care of you." Now I say, "I will take care of me for you if you will take care of you for me".
The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy. There is no greater leadership challenge than parenting.
If you talk to your children, you can help them to keep their lives together. If you talk to them skillfully, you can help them to build future dreams.
Leadership is the great challenge of the 21st century in science, politics, education, and industry. But the greatest challenge in leadership is parenting. We need to do more than just get our enterprises ready for the challenges of the twenty-first century. We also need to get our children ready for the challenges of the 21st century.
Excerpted from The Treasury of Quotes by Jim Rohn. Copyright © 1994 Jim Rohn International. These quotes are by Jim Rohn, America's Foremost Business Philosopher. To subscribe to the Free Jim Rohn Weekly E-zine, go to
In the second part of our interview with parenting expert Susan Stiffelman, we learn about how to balancing doing with being in our day-to-day family experiences. Join Susan to explore her teachings from her new book Parenting with Presence. Susan shows us how we can support our families through awareness, reflection, and a lot of self-care.
Watching Eckhart in his series with Oprah gave me a powerful sense of what it is to truly live with presence. He embodies his teachings, emanating a light and lightness that’s inspired me enormously. And as I was writing Parenting with Presence, Eckhart offered his insights and suggestions, helping me understand more deeply what it is to raise children with greater presence, balancing doing with being while moving through the day to day realities of parenting. It’s one thing to talk about living in the moment and something else altogether to see encounter someone who is living that way. Eckhart’s teachings have been a huge blessing in my life.
How can new parents prepare for parenthood?
You really can’t prepare for having a child—not really. Yes, it’s valuable to learn as much as you can—read parenting books and take classes. But it’s been my experience that nothing can truly prepare you for the realities of parenting. It’s like being dropped onto a new planet; you may have educated yourself about the landscape and have the proper gear, but navigating the terrain is going to be quite an adventure.
One of the most important things we can do to prepare for bringing a child into our lives is to make sure we have help. I believe we aren’t meant to raise children alone—we need the support of a loving tribe. And we need to make self-care a priority. Getting adequate sleep, eating well, making sure we have someone we can confide in can help us adjust to daily life with a child. It is also important to have some kind of practice that rejuvenates our spirits. I love the video clips that Eckhart produces — gentle reminders that help us hit the Reset button, and become more fully present to our life as it is, right now. Doing this always helps me find my heart again and settles me, even in the midst of a very hectic or demanding day.
Parenting guilt and shame is a common experience. Why do we feel this way, and what can we do about these feelings?
I write quite a lot in Parenting with Presence about this topic, because it is usually brought up in the first session of the online parenting classes I teach. Parents are so very hard on themselves. Even those who are making an effort to learn new skills or break with old, unhealthy parenting patterns have a tendency to berate themselves if they fall back on less desirable behaviors like yelling or nagging.
Many of us have internalized the critical voice of important people from our younger years. In the book, I offer exercises to help readers identify the source of those critical voices—perhaps a parent or teacher who we both feared and wanted to please. When we become aware of those shameful or guilt-producing thoughts, the first thing to do is to acknowledge what is going on: there’s that voice suggesting I shouldn’t have yelled at the boys, or, here is the scolding voice that is shaming me for being impatient.
I then encourage parents to imagine that the “speaker” of those harsh words actually has our best interests at heart, but is perhaps a bit misguided. That part of me expects perfection even when I’m doing good enough… or This is the old voice of my mother who was afraid that if I didn’t control my anger, no one would want to be my friend. As we orient ourselves to the present while allowing old feelings to bubble up, they can move through without creating the harmful impact that results when we identify with those unkind, judging voices.
This is a process, but as I describe in the book, one that many parents have successfully navigated. It is incredibly liberating to come out from under the burden of guilt and shame, and also frees our children to be who they are, without being “responsible” for our happiness by behaving in ways that make us proud, or convince us—and others—that we’re perfect parents.
This book is the culmination of a lot of planning and love. What is next for you?
At the moment, I am fully committed to sharing this book and its message as widely as I can. That means doing live teleclasses, speaking at events around the globe, creating digital online courses, and collaborating with others. I want to create a tribe of parents who are committed to parenting consciously—even setting up Parenting with Presence live events where parents can meet one another and develop supportive relationships. I am so lucky to be doing work that brings me so much joy, and want to reach as many parents as I can.
To learn more about Susan Stiffelman’s new book, Parenting with Presence, or to purchase a copy, go to New World Library. To receive a recording of a wonderful conversation between Susan and Kim Eng about parenting with greater presence, you can visit Susan’s site here. She will be offering Parenting with Presence and Parenting Without Power Struggles as live, interactive classes in the coming months.
'YOUR HEALTHY CHILDREN' Tips from Wddty
Get fit six months before you conceive. This includes working with a doctor experienced in preconception nutrition, who will assess your nutritional status and help you to correct any deficiencies, sort out any hidden genital infections, allergies, malabsorption problems or possible candida albicans overgrowth, all of which contribute to infertility and pregnancy loss. This doctor will also help you to follow a low-allergy wholefood diet and supplement programme. A recent study of 418 couples with previous infertility problems who followed this programme, espoused by Foresight, the Association for the Promotion of Preconceptual Care, found that 81 per cent went on to have healthy babies (WDDTY vol 6 no 7).
When you are pregnant, minimise your exposure to prenatal tests like ultrasound scans. Studies have shown that ultrasound has not made one bit of difference to the ultimate health of either mother or child, but does increase your risk of losing the baby. Some research has shown that ultrasound results in a higher number of small babies, delayed speech and dyslexia. It's also not particularly accurate, with mistakes some one-third of the time (WDDTY, the book).
Consider having your children at home. Statistics do not support the widely accepted view that the advent of the hospitalised birth has contributed to lower perinatal and maternal mortality rates. The Netherlands, the only Western country in which one-third of all births happen at home, has a perinatal morality rate lower than 10 per 1000, a maternal mortality rate lower than 1 per 10,000 and a caesarean section rate of around 6 per cent-all far lower than Britain's and America's. The key, according to active birth pioneer Michel Odent, is to ensure that you have an experienced home birth attendant and privacy (WDDTY vol 3 no 5).
Severely restrict your children's exposure to sugar. The most recent research shows that sugar taken in place of a well-balanced meal or without adequate protein can increase a child's hyperactive behaviour (New Medical Science, December, 1987). Too much sugar causes blood sugar levels to plummet, making a child irritable and also hungry and likely to crave more sugar (WDDTY vol 4 no 4 and Natural Parent, December 1997).
39 Determine if your children are allergic to foods, chemicals or food additives. One study demonstrated that 82 per cent of overactive children improved when treated with a low-allergy diet. Artificial colourants like tartrazine, often contained in juice "drinks" and squash, and salicylate foods, often cause hyperactivity and attention deficit (WDDTY vol 4 no 4).
Asthma isn't necessarily caused by airborne allergies, but by high allergy foods like wheat, dairy produce, orange or soy. If your child has any chronic illness like ear ache, eczema or bowel problems, suspect food or chemical allergies, get them located and treated, (The WDDTY Allergy Handbook).
Most children are extremely low in essential fatty acids, which can heighten their susceptibility to allergies. Supplement their diets with linseed oil (1 tablespoon per day) or two Efamol marine capsules, stirred into a drink, or, if they are infants, rubbed on the insides of their thighs.
Consider a substitute for cow's milk. Cow's milk blocks the absorption of iron and zinc, causing anaemia. It also blocks zinc absorption. As zinc controls the appetite, children with low levels of zinc are often picky eaters. The high calcium in milk also imbalances a child's magnesium levels, making him low in energy and often irritable. Children taken off milk usually become better at eating their greens (Natural Parent, December 1997).
Whenever possible, give your children the lifelong gift of breastfeeding. Breastfeed for as long as possible-at least one year, according to the World Health Organisation. Breastfeeding has indisputable benefits. Besides providing perfect food for your child, it prevents against allergies and ear ache, and helps to improve visual acuity and IQ. Unless you must, resist the suggestions of experts to add supplemental feeds. (WDDTY)
Get informed about both sides of the vaccination issue before vaccinating your children. Ignore the blithe assurances of doctors. America's National Academy of Science reviewed all the literature about vaccinations and discovered that all vaccines have the ability to cause harm. The UK government's assurance that the MMR vaccine doesn't cause autism is not borne out by research or the sheer number of cases of families in Britain presently making legal claims that their children's autism was caused by the vaccine. For any vaccine, ask: How necessary is it (ie, is this a life-threatening disease)? How effective is this vaccine? How safe? (The Vaccination Bible; What Doctors Don't Tell You, the book).
Moderate caffeine intake - may lead to underweight babies and miscarriages -caffeine comes in through placenta
Government suggests a limit of 300mg of caffeine per day (in total)
300mg - 4 cups coffee, or 6 teas or 8 cans cola or 800g chocolate
Some mistakes parents can do (according to Dr Friel, as seen on Oprah!)
1. putting marriage last - hurts kids more than realise - makes more secure situation - kids first; divorce/ leave home
2. Babying your child - spoiling doing everything - resenting and pitying child, can't stand seeing child struggle
3. Parents fail giving kids structure
4. Being kids best friend
Fine line between encouraging and pressurising your kids in a certain direction
* MOTHERS AND FATHERS
I hear every day from my clients how much anger, disappointment, and sadness they feel towards their mothers and fathers. I would hope by now we realize that our parents could only love us as much as they could love themselves. The part of life that confuses me the most is the question:
Did we choose our parents for this life or was it just chance?
I believe we did pick our parents because they were the best reflection of what we needed to learn or master in this life time. It appears that we keep attracting that same energy in our own relationships today. How else can we master compassion? When we forgive ourselves and let go of our parents and the mistakes of our past, we will allow a new space to open within us and our true selves will flow forth. (from Ken Page newsletter)
DANGER OF PUSHY PARENTS
Young children may not know better - the parent is like a mentor with tremendous power
Child builds up a fear - if loses parent is let down - this builds up pressure
Kids lose childhood? - need to mature quicker, but more opportunity
There needs to be perspective - a balance between friends, education and sport
Remember if a child loses these childhood days of innocence they can never be recovered
Parent won't mind if child isn't no.1 as long as child did his/her best 100%
Difficult for parent - fine line between encouraging and pressurizing
There can also be rivalry between parents eg. My kids did better in maths than yours!
Support kids don't be too pushy
It's dangerous when the child is trying to please parents instead of self
Set goals in a balanced way with perspective
It's not about winning or losing but it's about doing the best you can
Problem at the moment is that the International Sports Bodies have a premium on younger athletes. Sports like skating and gymnastics should have a higher minimum age
Funnily enough those that are most competitive don't get to top because they think they are better than they really are - ignorance
Self esteem is very important - need a self belief of being best that can be
Email me if you want to write anything about parenting
Deepak Chopra Meditation And The Spiritual Life Of Children
Posted on October 14, 2015
by Deepak Chopra: When they become parents, many people wonder how to impart spiritual values to their children…
The traditional model of sending them to Sunday school is one alternative; another is to draw the entire family into the personal spirituality of the parents, as more people turn away from organized religion to carve their own path. Children grow up to reflect how they are raised, which makes this an important issue.
To begin with, a child’s spiritual life should be age appropriate. A very young child’s brain hasn’t matured enough to absorb adult beliefs, and the overall development of every child is unique. Before age ten or so, I feel that spiritual parenting will have the most lasting effect if it builds a foundation in the self rather than focusing on principles. As a practical matter, every young child should feel that
They are loved and lovable.
They are worthwhile in their parents’ eyes.
Being a good person comes from within.
Happiness and fulfillment are natural.
At this stage, the role of caretaker is all-important. Young children have their own predispositions that show up early on. A child starts to show personality traits very soon in life. Yet no matter how different they are, children need to feel worthy and loved.
The next phase of spiritual parenting is about values. Child psychology studies have shown that babies as early as six months old want to help their mothers, and even infants react positively when they see good behavior and shy away from bad behavior in others. So there is reason to feel that children have a moral nature.
With that in mind, parents should develop a child’s inner values all the time while keeping in mind that grasping these values mentally, in terms of abstract ideas, isn’t going to happen early on. Instead, children internalize what they see and how they are treated. Saying “be nice to your little brother” makes an impression the first time, with decreasing meaning as it gets repeated. But seeing parents who are fair and kind literally trains a child’s brain in that direction.
Lifelong values are not instilled through negative lessons and punishment. What a child takes away from these experiences is guilt, shame, and resentment. The same is true if parents instill fear and doubt by telling children such things as “Life is unfair,” “If you don’t look out for number one, no one else will,” and “If you want anything in this world, you have to fight for it.” Remember, what we all grow up remembering most vividly from our childhood is the emotional tone of family life. Children raised in a tense, stressful, or difficult home environment will adapt to it, because it’s in their nature to adapt, but that doesn’t mean that they will emerge undamaged.
And now to the question of meditation and the inner life. Meditation can add to a sense of a child’s self-worth and even a sense of power, because it’s an activity that belongs just to them. The childhood brain is a factor here. Where it has been shown that introducing meditation in the schools leads to behavioral improvements in older ages (middle school and later), younger ages benefit, I feel, when meditation fulfills the following criteria:
It feels like fun.
The child expresses enjoyment.
Nothing is forced or turned into a chore.
The whole family participates.
Looking back, many adults feel turned off by the religious lessons their parents tried to impart because of an air of strict morality or pressure to be good. The beauty of meditation is that everything comes from within, but “within” means different things at different ages.
Starting at age six or seven — each parent will have to play this by ear — the parents can sit down to meditate with a child, using a simple technique: Sit quietly with eyes closed and follow the breath. Don’t ask the child to meditate for more than 5 to 10 minutes. Make it clear that if they stop enjoying it, they are free to get up and go play. But the parents should continue their own meditation for the usual time.
By being invited in and yet given the freedom to choose, a child will associate meditation with something they have control over. The worst lesson is to feel that meditation is a way for them to be controlled, forced to settle down and “be good.” In other words, don’t make meditation the equivalent of sitting in the corner or taking time out. A child who is running around or acting out needs a nap, a talking to, or some other corrective. Meditation isn’t one of them.
The greatest benefit of meditation comes when a child is able to notice actual changes themselves. They feel calmer, more centered, less troubled, less tempted to act out. A parent can coax these realizations, but gently, by pointing out a positive change. But be careful not to intrude. Everyone’s inner life is private, no matter how young they are. Taking note of inner changes probably won’t happen consistently until age twelve or later, and the attraction of major changes probably won’t happen until mid to late adolescence, at a time when discovering who they are comes naturally to teenagers.
I hope these points are useful, but the most important one became the theme of a book I wrote, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Parenting, which is this: If you want your child to lead a fulfilled and successful life, the best route is through spiritual parenting. The child learns the value of their own inner world, and as the years pass, this value increases until the realization dawns that all of existence originates “in here,” at the level of the soul.
DEEPAK CHOPRA MD, FACP, founder of The Chopra Foundation and co-founder of The Chopra Center for Wellbeing, is a world-renowned pioneer in integrative medicine and personal transformation, and is Board Certified in Internal Medicine, Endocrinology and Metabolism. He is a Fellow of the American College of Physicians and a member of the American Association of Clinical Endocrinologists. Chopra is the author of more than 80 books translated into over 43 languages, including numerous New York Times bestsellers. www.deepakchopra.com
Check out Let My Light Shine Bright, a new mix-and-match meditation app for kids, ages 8-12
Source: The Huffington Post
The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success for Parents, Deepak Chopra (Uk / US)
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Parenting a Teenager (Complete Idiot's Guide) by Kate Kelly (UK / US)
Hand-Me-Down Blues : How to Stop Depression from Spreading in Families by Michael D., Ph.D. Yapko
above available from www.hawthornpress.com
Prayers for Parents and Children www.rudolfsteinerpress.com
Raising Curious, Creative, Confident Kids The Pestalozzi Experiment in Child-based Education By Rebeca Wild
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families by Stephen R. Covey UK / US
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teenagers by Sean Covey (UK / US)
The Indigo Children, Lee Carroll, Jan Tober (UK / US) - A must read for parents of unusually bright active children!
China's Super Psychics Paul Dong, Thomas Raffill (UK / US) - Top secret research unveiled
available from Deep Books
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